True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
