I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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