Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
