My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
