It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
