I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
