Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
