He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
