i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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