My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
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