I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize