Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
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