Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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