This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
