can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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