note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
