So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
