Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
