Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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