i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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