This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
