I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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