oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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