I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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