Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
