The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
