can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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