just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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