i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
