this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
