I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
