i just had sex bonerless
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
