you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
