your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
