I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize