sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
