question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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