If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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