i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
