I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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