dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
