I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
