Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
