I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
God, I missed his penis.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
