I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
