He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
