I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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