When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Life is so much better after having sex.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
