The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
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