Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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