Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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