I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
