fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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