it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
