Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
