I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
