my vag is so smooth its legendary
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
