we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
