So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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