He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
