My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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