he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
