Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
