No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
