you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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