I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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