i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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