Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
