Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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