I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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