But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
