I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
