I faked an abortion last night.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
